Saturday, January 29, 2011
everything that stresses me is forgotten right now. it's... avoid-y, yes... but very very nice.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
i'm proud of myself, though. instead of coming home and feeling pathetic and drinking a bunch, i opted for the gym and the delicious endorphins. even though the stars were not aligned for me to enjoy my time. forgot gym socks, broke a nail, was out of my preferred sports drink (nuun tabs make me happy)... it's like once i got that rejection email (right before 5pm), shit just started going haywire. but no one made fun of my wolly socks rolled up olive oyl style, so that was a bonus.
i think i mostly went to the gym because of the fail that was last night. and, as per usual, i'm glad i did. not only am i SLIGHTLY less depressed, but i got to spend quality time with Bryan. i like him. even though he's... *ominous music* 41. not sure what to do with that.
i got an ok workout in, but didn't write anything down and don't really feel like recapping right now anyway. gonna read and hopefully sleep soon.
ran into the first prior acquaintance on the dating site. this guy dated an old friend of mine for YEARS. and treated her like shit. i'm still formulating my reply to his introduction.
that is all.
i've also been a fail at cataloging my meals, but i have been eating pretty well. had the BEST thai takeout EVER on friday for lunch/dinner/midnight snack (huge portions) from a lovely little hole-in-the-wall in downtown and have officially fallen in love with coconut chicken soup. omg. i'm scouring the internet for a copycat recipe as we speak. well, ok, not RIGHT now, but it's on my radar. got a couple to try, and i will be going back there as soon as i can to try the yellow curry, as the pad thai was deeeeeeelicious.
i joined plenty of fish, which is an online dating site. my first. holy crap guys are crazy. one day in and i'm already getting yelled at for taking too long to respond to messages. but i've chatted with at least one promising guy so that's a good start. but wtf random old guys trying to get me to go out. i like older men, don't get me wrong, but when i say older men i mean like 7-10 years. not 17-20. really.
so friday night i did 4 x 25 bodyweight squats, trying to train myself on balance. that was too many. i'm JUST NOW starting to be able to get up without wincing. but friday was an extremely short night, due to plans to go to a comedy show, so i guess it's good i accomplished something. but no more. i'm glad today is upper body, even though i'm a little tight from yoga. apparently i need to do more work on my tri's... downward dog shouldn't kick my ass quite this hard.
honesty time. for the first time in weeks, maybe even months, and DEFINITELY since the start of the new year, i purged. twice. once on saturday night, after gorging myself at the dessert table at a party, and once last night, after gorging myself on everydamnthing in sight. mostly healthy stuff (except a donut), but high calorie and in mass quantity. i need to learn to control myself when i drink (lots on saturday, a good sized glass of wine last night). i don't even know why i did it last night, and am putting it out there in an effort to, well, keep it real, shame myself out of doing it again, and figure it out. gah i don't know. i just knew at some point i hit a threshold between 'ok, i ate WAY too much, but i can make peace with it' and 'well hell, i'm over the line, gonna have to throw up, may as well make it worthwhile and easier to actually do' and then ate more crap. i generally hit this point if i'm having a 'binge' night (pretty much any night i have a treat is a binge night to me, yet another issue i'm working on'... and usually dive right over into the badlands. i seriously have no idea where all this crap in my head came from, or why i feel the way i do. but hey, that's what self improvement is all about, i guess.
that is all.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
oh, side note, TOTALLY almost got in an accident on the way there. some utter MORON decided to try and pull out in front of the car in front of me. they almost collided, and i almost collided into them. i instead slightly collided with the snowbank on the side of the road trying to stop in time. but it all worked out in the end. anyhoo.
breakfast was, as previously mentioned, yummy but didn't stick with me like i'd hoped.
about 1/4 cup oat blend, cooked in water with cinnamon, half a banana and most of a little empire apple (i bought apples yesterday! i missed them so) the rest of the apple i ate while waiting for the oats to cook
stirred in some blueberries after cooking, and my wheat germ/flax blend
topped with dark chocolate almond butter, my cherry preserves, and 1/4 cup fiber one
fruit-a-licious! oats always make me smile.
snack 1 (sorta - it was RIGHT before lunch so it should prolly be considered my appetizer) - clementine with my tea, as threatened in the woe is me post.
lunch was decent but i was really just going through the motions last night making it. kinda drunk.
wrap with sabra roasted red pepper hummus, canned chicken (salty. wow) and spinach. i warmed it up before eating, because i seriously craved hot food. and my carrots. always carrots. if i run out of baby carrots, i spaz out.
i also had a couple bites of wasabi roasted edamame. nice little texture/flavor switch there.
snack 2 - slice of bread, some natch more and cinnamon to fuel the workout. and a speedy 'latte'
snack 3 - i just keep eating scoops of protein powder in my car. i've actually grown to like it. the textures get all interesting. digging it out of my teeth isn't fun, though.
dinner - a relatively 'meh' salad, due to my poorness and lack of produce. romaine blend, spinach, carrots, and some soy-marinated baked tofu... which was actually really good. and italian dressing. and a bite of the pizza that the rest of the fam ate. it was decent, but it was multiple-meat and tasted very strongly of pepperoni grease so stopping at one bite was pretty easy, even though i'm still kind of hungry and LURVE ME SOME PIZZA.
workout (again... i really should have taken notes. memory fail)
20 minutes on the stairmaster (aerobic training program, level 10) to 'warm up'. and almost die a little. but i do love the stairmaster.
chest press - 10x40, 15x50, 10x60, 5x70, 5x70, 10x60, 15x50
lat pull - 10x40, 5x50, 5x50, 10x40 (it seems like i did more than this, but i'm not sure)
bicep curl - 10x25, 15x30, 10x35, 10x35, 15x30 (something like this)
row - 10x30, 10x40, 5x50, 3x55, 5x50, 10x40
pec fly (alternating with the delt fly) - 10x20, 15x30, 10x40
delt fly - 10x20, 10x30, 5x40
i wanted to pyramid back down, but i didn't think i could.
did some stretching to finish out the night, chatted with Jose and flirted with Bryan, and then was on my merry way. almost went and tanned, but i plan to do that friday and i don't want to be snooky. i hate that i know who that is. but ONLY because of facebook.
speaking of snooky. there is a girl who works at my gym that is slowly morphing into her.
on the way home, my mom texted asking where i was. i thought she was concerned. no, she wanted me to stop and buy her alcohol. nice. she handed me the 'no funds' excuse, but still wanted me to. that ALMOST ruined my endorphin high. i'm not sure what to do with the annoyance, so we haven't spoken since i got home. i think she went all resourceful and found a way to be drunk anyway.
oh, and i still haven't heard. left a voice mail this morning, no call back. i guess if it was a flat 'no' they'd have gotten back to me by now? i am ENTIRELY too impatient to play this waiting game. i know they didn't call my reference, which actually makes me feel better 'cause if they'd asked him my weaknesses, the most obvious one to come out of him would not be well received. but now he knows how not to answer that question should he be asked it.
waiting to hear from the school is kicking my ass. between my hormones going nuts (it's my SPECIAL time), the weather (we had 2' of snow drop over the weekend, and they're calling for more today) and my general lack of confidence, i'm convinced that they chose one of the other candidates and just don't want to tell me. i understand that this is kind of silly, but i also understand that if they were crazy excited about me like i thought they might be, i should have heard something by now. they need a person, that was obvious in the interview. and they couldn't have me for 2 weeks and knew that. so... get on it, right? ugh...
i'm just generally mopey this week. lonely, both at work (Karen's still out, as she should be) and personally. i drank too much last night. didn't eat myself into a TOTAL coma like i was concerned that i would, but i drank 1 pretty large and then like 3 smaller glasses of wine. which is a lot. also, smoked a lot of cigarettes. somewhere in the 7 or 8 range in a few hours (when i smoked, i smoked a LOT).
all around bad. again... ugh. i'm trying to drop the weak 'woe is me' bs today, and am doing a bit better. the chili that my mum made was yummy, as was the corn cake i made to accompany it. so that was a yay. and i think i'm gonna have a clementine with my tea. breakfast was delicious, but apparently not as 'stick with me'-y as some of the recent ones have been. more fruit, less oats.
that is all.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
had a VERY decent day today. on top of the deadline being passed and therefore the pressure being gone, i had an evenly productive and lax day. could have been more productive, admittedly, but hell with it. it's been a rough week.
and i had some tasty coffee in the afternoon, then went in the back lot and did donuts and drifts in the snow. GOOD TIMES. and i didn't damage my car or any equipment so i call it a win.
LEG DAY. and an awesome one at that. for the first time, i grasped the concept of a pyramid workout and did more than i think i ever have:
elliptical - 1 'mile' in about 11 mins... 2/10 of that mile was backward or it would have taken much less time.
glute isolator - 15 x 30, 13 x 35, 10 x 40, 7 x 45, 10 x 40, 13 x 35... and i think i stopped there
abductors - 40 lbs on the squeeze due to changing the way i do it (to CORRECT), 60, 70, 80 on the spread, and i don't even know reps 'cause i wasn't counting... gym buddy distraction
ab knee lifts - 3 x 20
man, i really should have taken notes... i forgot most of this already :-( this is all estimation, but i did full increment pyramids on just about everything
calf isolator - 3 x 10 of each position (straight, ins and outs) at 40. first time on THAT one and helloooo burn.
curls - 15 @ 40, 10 @ 50, 7 @ 60 x 2, 10 @ 50, 15 @ 40
extensions - 15 @ 50, 10 @ 60, 7 @ 70 x 2, 10 @ 60, 10 @ 60, 15 @ 50
angle press - 10 @ 120, 10-15 @ 140, 10 @ 160, 5 @ 180 (my high), 10 @ 160, 10 @ 140
and then i almost died. i was honestly going to try for squats, but i should have done those first as i was jelly by the time i was ready.
lotsa stretching and talking with Bryan (aforementioned gym buddy), who is a very nice, and attractive, older guy (i wish i knew HOW old) who is clearly interested in me and hinted toward taking me out. i sidestepped it, but might be willing. he lives like someone younger than i am and age is a number, right? we'll see what happens there.
holy crap i feel great. i NEED to remember how good i feel now so i keep it up. friday makes a good leg day, since i could be at the gym until after 8 and not stress about sleep. i wish i could have hit the tanning bed, but i have $40 until friday so that's a splurge that will have to wait. sadface.
wasn't even bothered by the 3" of snow that accumulated on my car in my just over 2.5 hours working out. much lake effect today/tonight. the ride home was sketch but i've learned how to drive in snow. took a couple wrecks, but i'm good now ;-)
1/4 cup (less than usual) - ish of my oat blend cooked in water and half a banana
container of oikos nonfat chocolate stirred in
wheat germ / flax mix sprinkled
fiber one on top
yuuuuuum. and way more satisfying than expected. i wasn't even really hungry at noon.
snack 1 (at my normal lunchtime):
lunch (at about 2pm, i wanted to eat this later since it was heartier than my normal lunch and would hopefully hold me over until after the gym):
leftover curry (YUMMY) and some baby carrots
snack 2 (at like 4:45):
my last work banana - needed to be eaten and would give me a little boost for my workout
speedy 'latte', 20 oz - LITTLE bit of FF french vanilla cap, ice, topped off with coffee, cinnamon stirred in. mmmmmm...
we'll call the scoop of protein i ate on the way home from the gym part of dinner. didn't mix it, just ate it and chased it with water. need to fuel those muscles.
saaaaaaaaaaaalad (half and half romaine mix and spinach, carrots, tomatoes, and light italian dressing)
the last of the curry, with almonds and FF feta (just as good the 3rd time)
couple bites of shrimp linguini that was cooked when i got home, and half a piece of garlic bread
all told... yummy stuff. 'course, the night is still kind of young and i'm having wine, so i'm sure i'll graze a bit before i pass out. and that's OK with me.
still excited/freaking about the job. i still feel really good about it... but i want it SO MUCH that i'm scared.
that is all... for now.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
technically, i guess, monday was back to business. and had i written a post, perhaps it would have been.
but today is valid because it was the first day back to the gym. but... i was all wired and excited last night (and i blogged, which kept me up later than usual) about the job interview and whatnot and didn't get my full (at LEAST) 6 hours. i rocked the dark circles through one of the more hectic morning/early afternoons of my recent professional life, and then worked until 7. hit the SF red bull around 5, when i normally leave, but then got all inspired to not be there all night tomorrow (i have a friday AM deadline that will be fun to meet) and did some extra work.
any other day, i'd've gone straight home, hit the wine, had a cigarette or three and felt ok about it. well, maybe not the cigarettes, but i'm working on it and went from a pack a day to less than a pack a week so i call it improvement. i'll get into my smoking justifications at some other point. the CURRENT point is that it was really important for me to get to the gym tonight. for some reason. not out of an obligation, but because i didn't want to spend the evening smoking and feeling guilty about smoking, and missing out on the good times and chest improvements i'm seeing from all the presses. so, even though i got there when i normally like to be leaving, i went.
had 3 goals - stairmaster, chest press and lateral pulldown.
i got onto the stairmaster... then pretty much got right off of it. NOT happening. but i had done a short but pretty intense 'jog' on the elliptical prior to that so i can justify a little. but it was pretty pathetic. i did maybe 2 minutes at medium intensity and had had enough of that shit. my legs just felt like jelly.
pec/delt... thing. i don't know what it's called. this wasn't on my list, so i feel good about it.
delts - 20 lbs, 2 x 10; 30 lbs, 1 x 10 (i THINK but it could have been 5)
pecs - 20 lbs, 1 x 10; 30 lbs, 2 x 10
chest press - 40 lbs, 1 x 10; 50 lbs, 1 x 10; 60 lbs, 1 x 5
lats - 40 lbs, 1 x 10; 50 lbs, 2 x 10
yes, kind of weak... but i knew it would be and feel better for having gone.
and now, the food diary portion... i did this all out of order.
1/3 cup oats mix
nuked in water for a minute
stirred in about 1 tbsp peanut flour, blueberries, blackberries, apple sauce... topped with some fiber one and a splash of unsweetened vanilla almond milk. it really seems like i'm forgetting something but i can't think of it. it was pretty good, but eating it out of a mug was strange. efficient, but strange and i think i'll go back to bowl and deal with the extra dish.
i also had a couple cashews and a pinch of homemade granola while waiting for my oats to cook.
snack 1 (i had several):
the last of my cheesy red potato soup (with red pepper and silken tofu) and like 4 triscuits to scoop it up. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm thick and comfy, which was nice after the day i was starting to have.
snack 2 (we'll call this an extension of lunch):
a small handful of wasabi roasted edameme. again, big lots rocks my socks. i'll have to go back and get more, now that i know i like it.
little red delicious apple that had been in the work fridge for like a month, i swear. but aside from being a little mushy, it was really decent.
snack 4 (told you):
a banana and a half piece of light bread with naturally more. my typical snack on a gym day, i just don't usually throw that many more in. but i was SO tired and concerned about fueling for the gym. not that i really needed it, but still. it was tasty too.
oh! haha... so, after the gym, on the ride home, i ATE a scoop of protein powder. just poured it in my mouth, half at a time, and chewed it up and swallowed it. it was interesting, and not nearly as bad as i expected.
was late-night chaotic. side salad, a few bites of vegetable beef soup, and a sinfully DELICIOUS coconut macaroon. 145 calories of awesome, it was. chased it with a spoonful of nonfat fage heavily covered with cinnamon, in hopes to neutralize some of the sugar from the cookie.
i'm almost out of my sleepytime tea, so i made a mug of TJ's bedtime. which is delicious, don't get me wrong, but i don't have a TJ's, or WF for that matter, within 65 miles (BFE northwest indiana sucks it) so i try to conserve stuff from those stores.
so i really intended to not say much... then this post happened. huh. can't stop me once i get going, i guess. but it needs to be unwind time now. got some sleep to catch up on.
that is all.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
i'm still having formatting issues with the older posts. i'm sorry, but it's pissing me off and i want to get some actual 'writing' in while i'm feeling inspired.
i signed up for a beginner's yoga class - last night was the first session. omg... it was AMAZING. i hope so much that once i'm done i can afford to keep taking classes, because that was such a wonderful experience and something i think my spazzy ass will get a lot out of. i spent all day today in a good mood, which only got better as the day progressed. might have something to do with ... dun dun duuun...
THE AWESOME JOB INTERVIEW. i applied online to a local college back in the end of october, as a records assistant/secretary. which is pretty much my specialty, or would be if i had my way. anyway, i didn't hear anything for weeks, and called to inquire and they told me they were still sorting through applicants and to hang tight. well, three weeks after THAT, i finally get a call. now, as i briefly touched on above, i am a big huge spaz. so i was nervous as hell. but i am also extremely qualified for this position, almost to the point of being overqualified. it IS a pay cut, but i seriously hate my current job and there are a lot of perks about getting this one so i think it's worth it.
anyway... nerves aside, i'm pretty sure i ROCKED that interview. exhuded confidence, made eye contact, had them laughing a little, and demonstrated just how perfect i am for the job. they have a total of four candidates, i was their third interview... i should find out early next week. so think happy thoughts for me, guys.
and now... on to the fun/food stuff:
was delicious, for one. i pre mix a blend of about three parts rolled oats to one part oat bran as my usual base, unless i make some overnight steel cut oats (mmm... i'm about due for a batch, actually)
my preferred constants are:
1/3 cup oat blend
nuked for a minute in about 3/4 cup (i don't measure, just add enough to cover the oats) water
then sprinkled with about a tablespoon of a ground flax/wheat germ mix that i also prep ahead of time
cooked the oats (etc, see above) in celestial seasonings nutcracker sweet tea (with caffeine, baby!)
stirred in blueberries, blackberries, and some no-sugar-added applesauce, and MORE cinnamon (never enough cinnamon... and it's good for blood sugar regulation!)
topped it with homemade spiced/roasted almond butter and the most delicious cherry preserves ever (bonne maman i think is the brand. looks local, but that could just be good packaging)
and DEVOURED. it was more... stuff... than i'm used to since i didn't eat much for dinner last night due to getting home late from yoga. kept me happily sated for an extra half hour, and i could have gone longer but i truly hate to be hungry. which brings me to...
i'm operating on a much reduced budget, due to the holidays, so i'm working with what i've got plus a few 'gotta have' purchases (mostly blueberries and baby carrots). at the office, i happened to have:
kangaroo honey wheat pita pocket
small bag of baby spinach
single serve packet of tuna
single serve packet of light italian dressing
sabra roasted red pepper hummus
baby carrots (i brought these... gotta have carrots)
... hmm... whatever shall i make? obviously a tuna salad mix with spinach and dressing, stuffed in the pita. with carrots for crunch and hummus for dipping (sandwich and carrots). it was REALLY tasty and i will be doing it again. probably yet this week.
then i left the office early for the interview. got to see a friend for a few minutes, 'cause i used her bathroom to change (i hate my job and have no boss, therefore i don't really adhere to the 'business casual' standards and had to spruce up a bit), so that was nice. got there a little early, and rocked. then a couple of grocery store trips (big lots and kroger both rox my sox) and then home. had a couple of glasses of cheap but decent cabernet (and smoked 2 cigarettes... bad girl) while i cooked up:
curry and couscous skillet
heated olive oil and minced garlic in a pan
chopped up and sauteed about 1/4 onion until soft (would have done more but i was low on onion)
slightly drained and added a can of diced tomatoes
let that cook a little, peppered and sprinkled with curry powder
drain and rinse a can of garbanzos, added them in
more stirring and anther couple shakes of curry powder
added about half a bag of mixed frozen veg (cauliflower, lima beans, asian green beans, carrots), a good few shakes of curry and about a half cup of water, covered and let it simmer for... a while? 15-20 minutes, keeping an eye on it
nuked 1 cup of water for about 4 minutes, to boiling
added a heaping 1/2 cup whole wheat couscous, stirred and set aside
uncovered the curry for the last few minutes, to evap some of the juice, then shut it off and made myself a salad
when it was TIME... i topped the couscous with the curry (obv) and then topped THAT with some fat free crumbled feta and slivered almonds and pine nuts. i really should have toasted the nuts first, but i didn't realize that until after i had put the oil in the skillet and it wasn't worth dirtying another dish. would have been better, but was still EXCELLENT. i took a picture! which i will upload later as it's getting late and if this is gonna get published, it had better happen tonight. i felt so good about the meal that i made myself some:
small scoop of light pumpkin ice cream, topped with mini gingersnaps, whipped cream, and raisins soaked in hot spiced red wine. mm mm mm mm mm delicious
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand thus concludes my night. well, after my obligatory mug of celestial seasonings sleepytime tea. LOVE it, it's been a staple of mine for years
that is all. for now. and holy crap it was a lot...