Saturday, January 29, 2011


how y'all be?  i am having a seriously good night.  my day was decent, but my night is excellent.  had a good workout, met a cute boy on an online dating site, and we've been emailing/texting for the last... 8 hours... wow.  came home, had a few beers, and now i'm getting ready to eat (at 1am... shame), and watch the hangover...

everything that stresses me is forgotten right now.  it's... avoid-y, yes... but very very nice.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

giveaway entry #1

heeeeeeeeeeeeey anyone who might drop by... go here to enter an awesome giveaway for an awesome cookbook!

that is all.


Wednesday, January 19, 2011


didn't get the job.  ouch.

i'm proud of myself, though.  instead of coming home and feeling pathetic and drinking a bunch, i opted for the gym and the delicious endorphins.  even though the stars were not aligned for me to enjoy my time.  forgot gym socks, broke a nail, was out of my preferred sports drink (nuun tabs make me happy)... it's like once i got that rejection email (right before 5pm), shit just started going haywire.  but no one made fun of my wolly socks rolled up olive oyl style, so that was a bonus.

i think i mostly went to the gym because of the fail that was last night.  and, as per usual, i'm glad i did.  not only am i SLIGHTLY less depressed, but i got to spend quality time with Bryan.  i like him.  even though he's... *ominous music* 41.  not sure what to do with that.

i got an ok workout in, but didn't write anything down and don't really feel like recapping right now anyway.  gonna read and hopefully sleep soon.

ran into the first prior acquaintance on the dating site.  this guy dated an old friend of mine for YEARS.  and treated her like shit.  i'm still formulating my reply to his introduction.

that is all.

checking in

it's been about a week since i've posted.  ruh roh.  but in my defense, i'm trying to read more and be in front of the computer less.  i'm currently re-reading the 'his dark materials' trilogy by philip pullman.  well, technically i'm re-reading 1 and 2 in preparation of reading 3 for the first time.  not sure why i didn't read it before, but i'm very excited.  very good books.

i've also been a fail at cataloging my meals, but i have been eating pretty well.  had the BEST thai takeout EVER on friday for lunch/dinner/midnight snack (huge portions) from a lovely little hole-in-the-wall in downtown and have officially fallen in love with coconut chicken soup.  omg.  i'm scouring the internet for a copycat recipe as we speak.  well, ok, not RIGHT now, but it's on my radar.  got a couple to try, and i will be going back there as soon as i can to try the yellow curry, as the pad thai was deeeeeeelicious.

i joined plenty of fish, which is an online dating site.  my first.  holy crap guys are crazy.  one day in and i'm already getting yelled at for taking too long to respond to messages.  but i've chatted with at least one promising guy so that's a good start.  but wtf random old guys trying to get me to go out.  i like older men, don't get me wrong, but when i say older men i mean like 7-10 years.  not 17-20.  really.

so friday night i did 4 x 25 bodyweight squats, trying to train myself on balance.  that was too many.  i'm JUST NOW starting to be able to get up without wincing.  but friday was an extremely short night, due to plans to go to a comedy show, so i guess it's good i accomplished something.  but no more.  i'm glad today is upper body, even though i'm a little tight from yoga.  apparently i need to do more work on my tri's... downward dog shouldn't kick my ass quite this hard.

honesty time.  for the first time in weeks, maybe even months, and DEFINITELY since the start of the new year, i purged.  twice.  once on saturday night, after gorging myself at the dessert table at a party, and once last night, after gorging myself on everydamnthing in sight.  mostly healthy stuff (except a donut), but high calorie and in mass quantity.  i need to learn to control myself when i drink (lots on saturday, a good sized glass of wine last night).  i don't even know why i did it last night, and am putting it out there in an effort to, well, keep it real, shame myself out of doing it again, and figure it out.  gah i don't know.  i just knew at some point i hit a threshold between 'ok, i ate WAY too much, but i can make peace with it' and 'well hell, i'm over the line, gonna have to throw up, may as well make it worthwhile and easier to actually do' and then ate more crap.  i generally hit this point if i'm having a 'binge' night (pretty much any night i have a treat is a binge night to me, yet another issue i'm working on'... and usually dive right over into the badlands.  i seriously have no idea where all this crap in my head came from, or why i feel the way i do.  but hey, that's what self improvement is all about, i guess.

that is all.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


i do love the gym.  i almost didn't go. again. worn out, still mopey, crampy, and the weather was ASS when i left the office... if i hadn't been all self-indulgent and whiny last night, i wouldn't have.  but i didn't want two nights in a row of sitting around, drinking and smoking, so i braved the roads, chugged some mild energy tonic, and got to it.  so glad i did.  i will likely not be able to move much tomorrow, but you'll have that.

oh, side note, TOTALLY almost got in an accident on the way there.  some utter MORON decided to try and pull out in front of the car in front of me.  they almost collided, and i almost collided into them.  i instead slightly collided with the snowbank on the side of the road trying to stop in time.  but it all worked out in the end.  anyhoo.

breakfast was, as previously mentioned, yummy but didn't stick with me like i'd hoped. 

about 1/4 cup oat blend, cooked in water with cinnamon, half a banana and most of a little empire apple (i bought apples yesterday!  i missed them so)  the rest of the apple i ate while waiting for the oats to cook
stirred in some blueberries after cooking, and my wheat germ/flax blend
topped with dark chocolate almond butter, my cherry preserves, and 1/4 cup fiber one

fruit-a-licious! oats always make me smile.

snack 1 (sorta - it was RIGHT before lunch so it should prolly be considered my appetizer) - clementine with my tea, as threatened in the woe is me post.   

lunch was decent but i was really just going through the motions last night making it.  kinda drunk.

wrap with sabra roasted red pepper hummus,  canned chicken (salty.  wow) and spinach.  i warmed it up before eating, because i seriously craved hot food.  and my carrots.  always carrots.  if i run out of baby carrots, i spaz out.
i also had a couple bites of wasabi roasted edamame.  nice little texture/flavor switch there.

snack 2 - slice of bread, some natch more and cinnamon to fuel the workout.  and a speedy  'latte'  

snack 3 - i just keep eating scoops of protein powder in my car.  i've actually grown to like it.  the textures get all interesting.  digging it out of my teeth isn't fun, though. 

dinner - a relatively 'meh' salad, due to my poorness and lack of produce.  romaine blend, spinach, carrots, and some soy-marinated baked tofu... which was actually really good.  and italian dressing.  and a bite of the pizza that the rest of the fam ate.  it was decent, but it was multiple-meat and tasted very strongly of pepperoni grease so stopping at one bite was pretty easy, even though i'm still kind of hungry and LURVE ME SOME PIZZA.

workout (again... i really should have taken notes.  memory fail)

20 minutes on the stairmaster (aerobic training program, level 10) to 'warm up'.  and almost die a little.  but i do love the stairmaster.

chest press - 10x40, 15x50, 10x60, 5x70, 5x70, 10x60, 15x50

lat pull - 10x40, 5x50, 5x50, 10x40 (it seems like i did more than this, but i'm not sure)

bicep curl - 10x25, 15x30, 10x35, 10x35, 15x30 (something like this)

row - 10x30, 10x40, 5x50, 3x55, 5x50, 10x40

pec fly (alternating with the delt fly) - 10x20, 15x30, 10x40
delt fly - 10x20, 10x30, 5x40

i wanted to pyramid back down, but i didn't think i could.  

did some stretching to finish out the night, chatted with Jose and flirted with Bryan, and then was on my merry way.  almost went and tanned, but i plan to do that friday and i don't want to be snooky.  i hate that i know who that is.  but ONLY because of facebook.  

speaking of snooky.  there is a girl who works at my gym that is slowly morphing into her. 

on the way home, my mom texted asking where i was.  i thought she was concerned.  no, she wanted me to stop and buy her alcohol.  nice.  she handed me the 'no funds' excuse, but still wanted me to.  that ALMOST ruined my endorphin high.  i'm not sure what to do with the annoyance, so we haven't spoken since i got home.  i think she went all resourceful and found a way to be drunk anyway.  

oh, and i still haven't heard.  left a voice mail this morning, no call back.  i guess if it was a flat 'no' they'd have gotten back to me by now?  i am ENTIRELY too impatient to play this waiting game.  i know they didn't call my reference, which actually makes me feel better 'cause if they'd asked him my weaknesses, the most obvious one to come out of him would not be well received.  but now he knows how not to answer that question should he be asked it.  

another work post. i just can't focus this week.

obligatory self-pity post.  i do this sometimes.  sorry.

waiting to hear from the school is kicking my ass.  between my hormones going nuts (it's my SPECIAL time), the weather (we had 2' of snow drop over the weekend, and they're calling for more today) and my general lack of confidence, i'm convinced that they chose one of the other candidates and just don't want to tell me.  i understand that this is kind of silly, but i also understand that if they were crazy excited about me like i thought they might be, i should have heard something by now.  they need a person, that was obvious in the interview.  and they couldn't have me for 2 weeks and knew that.  so... get on it, right?  ugh... 

i'm just generally mopey this week.  lonely, both at work (Karen's still out, as she should be) and personally.  i drank too much last night.  didn't eat myself into a TOTAL coma like i was concerned that i would, but i drank 1 pretty large and then like 3 smaller glasses of wine.  which is a lot.  also, smoked a lot of cigarettes.  somewhere in the 7 or 8 range in a few hours (when i smoked, i smoked a LOT).    

all around bad.  again... ugh.  i'm trying to drop the weak 'woe is me' bs today, and am doing a bit better.  the chili that my mum made was yummy, as was the corn cake i made to accompany it.  so that was a yay.  and i think i'm gonna have a clementine with my tea.  breakfast was delicious, but apparently not as 'stick with me'-y as some of the recent ones have been.  more fruit, less oats.  

that is all.

Monday, January 10, 2011

work post... bad girl

goooooooooood morning. i'm on blogger instead of doing my job. tsk. but i didn't post last night and am distracted as all hell so maybe if i just get it out of the way i can focus on what i need to do.

things on my mind:

my coworker, Karen

is the only other person in my office. we have a shop in the back with great guys, but up here, it's just the two of us and has been for over half a year. we keep this place going pretty much on our own, which is funny because for the first couple years i worked here, we kinda hated each other. she felt threatened by me, and i thought she was a big huge bitch. i mean, we would go home and gripe to our respective significant others about each other like EVERY DAY. it was bad. but now, apart from our occasional irritable days, we're fantastic. if/when i go, i will worry for and miss her. anyhoo...

her mom died yesterday morning. she was diagnosed with cancer like two weeks ago... and died yesterday. it's amazing and awful and i can't even imagine how Karen is feeling. it's so... sudden and insanely dramatic. she was fine(ish). then she had cancer. then she had untreatable cancer. then Karen thought she was going to die last weekend and dropped everything to drive down to KY to see her, but it turns out she was just malnourished and dehydrated. got better, was back to her old self. Karen had a trip down there planned for this past weekend but canceled it because she was in a hospital and it wouldn't have been a good visit but they had TIME... and then she dies. i just hope against hope that Karen was able to get enough warning to be there with her, since she was going to go and then decided against it. otherwise she will hate herself.

i want to check in with her, but she's got to be busy and not in any shape to reiterate. so i will wait. in the meantime, i am all alone in the office and probably will be for the whole week. which is nice in some ways and not so much in others. solo days have varying effects on my productivity, as you can see.

the interview

they told me i would hear back 'early next week'. which is now 'now-ish'. so, of course, i am going insane watching my phone, and will be doing so until i hear something. i think i'll try to contain myself until wednesday, and then call if i don't hear something. until then... spaz spaz spaz.

my 401k

got my statement this past weekend. i had over 3K in it at the start of 2010 (not much, i know, but it's what i had) and at the end of 2010... nothing. $0.00. somehow it got withdrawn or something and it's GONE. so... that is stressing me out like crazy and i need to call my investment firm and see wtf is going on. one thing at a time...


second class is tonight. canNOT wait.

my mom

goes back to work today after weeks off with a broken wrist. which is excellent because she needs something to do with herself so she doesn't drink as much. not that that seems to make a difference. i'm sure, at some point, there'll be a 'mom' post as well. all KINDS of drama there.


was pretty sweet. i meant to take a pic but i'm only randomly good at remembering to do that.
oats cooked in banana, cinnamon, hershey's special dark powder, and water... with chia seeds, flax/wheat germ blend, more cinnamon, reconstituted egg whites, vanilla, and some nonfat greek yogurt stirred in. topped with cherry jam, the last (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) of my homemade spiced almond butter, and fiber one cereal. it was delicious and a LOT and i'm still pretty full.

ugh... i want to tell you about my weekend (not much to tell, but still, want to get it down), but i really need to do some work.

it hurts me deeply that i can't do a heart, due to the fact that part of it is HTML code. the 'that is all' feels so abrupt and cold, and i want to love on you guys a little. i'll figure something out.

that is all.